To answer your first question, no, this is not the conversation I expect Pat Bowlen to have with Mike Shanahan two weeks from now. It's just the one I wish he'd have.
Bowlen: Hi, Mike. Sit down, sit down. How are you?
Shanahan: To be honest with you, Pat, I'm fine. It's good to be back in the office. Building a mansion can really stress you.
Bowlen: Yeah, how's that going? They're calling it the Shanamansion. They're saying you're going to build a city in it. Like 100,000 people or something.
Shanahan: No, no, no, no. You know the media, Pat. Especially now, with this Intra-net thing. It's a small town. Ten thousand people, tops.
Bowlen: Well, good luck with that. Listen, Mike, I wanted to go over some of these expenses from this year because I'm a little confused about them.
Shanahan: Look, I need all those clickers, Pat.
Bowlen: No, not that. I paid a $2 million bonus to sign someone named Niko Koutouvides? Is that right?
Shanahan: Well, I don't remember the exact figure.
Bowlen: Do I need to get Joe Ellis in here?
Shanahan: No, no, no, no. That sounds about right.
Bowlen: Well, what happened to him? Was he even in San Diego for our last game?
Shanahan: To be honest with you, of course, he was. He just wasn't active, that's all. Anytime in the National Football League you have to dress a squad of 45 . . .
Bowlen: Save it, Mike. I'm not the press. I'm your boss. You need to tell me the truth. This is real money, you know. And it's mine. Have you seen what's happened to the price of oil lately? Real estate? If I'm going to spend $2 million on a middle linebacker, I'd like to see him play in the biggest game of the year. Why didn't he?
Shanahan: To be honest with you, Niko wasn't as good as I thought.
Bowlen: Ah. OK, what about this Marlon McCree fellow? I'm paying him $2 million? Where was he?
Shanahan: To be honest with you, he wasn't active, either.
Bowlen: Why the hell not?
Shanahan: Well, he had a high ankle sprain.
Bowlen: When?
Shanahan: Two months ago.
Bowlen: That's why he didn't play?
Shanahan: To be honest with you, he wasn't as good as I thought.
Bowlen: Ah. OK, what about this Marquand Manuel person?
Shanahan: He played!
Bowlen: In the dime, right? Wasn't he supposed to be our starting strong safety? I've got your depth chart here somewhere . . .
Shanahan: Well, to be honest with you, Josh Barrett beat him out.
Bowlen: Our seventh-round pick?
Shanahan: Right.
Bowlen: Ah. What about this Jarvis Moss? Where was he?
Shanahan: Right there with Niko and Marlon.
Bowlen: In sweats? Wasn't he our first-round draft pick? Didn't we give up two other picks to move up four places to get him? Didn't I guarantee him $8 million?
Shanahan: To be honest with you, yes.
Bowlen: So why wasn't he playing?
Shanahan: Bad matchup.
Bowlen: Ah. What about this Tim Crowder guy? Wasn't he our second- round pick? Three-million- dollar contract?
Shanahan: Look, Pat, you should know these things take time. These guys are coming along.
Bowlen. Ah. Let me ask you this, Mike. Do you happen to know who was taken with the pick you traded up from to get Moss? Your original pick?
Shanahan: To be honest with you, I'd have to go back and look.
Bowlen: Reggie Nelson. Do you think he could have beaten out Vernon Fox at free safety this year?
Shanahan: Yeah, probably.
Bowlen: Mike, I'm concerned about how I've been spending my money. Don't get me wrong, I love what you've done with the offense. If we can keep a running back healthy next year, we'll be good. But Mike, all this money wasted on defensive guys you don't play. I mean, c'mon. So let me run this up the flag pole. How does Marty Schottenheimer sound?
Shanahan: To be honest with you . . . what?
Bowlen: I'm thinking about Marty for GM. You've got to admit, he knows defense. Good judge of defensive personnel. Bring him in here, rebuild that defense so your offense can go to town.
Shanahan: Whoa, this was never part of our deal. I've got it in writing.
Bowlen: Mike, be a team player. Don't do something you'll regret. Tell you what. Go supervise the Shanamansion for a few days and think it over.
Shanahan: Man, the timing is terrible. Do you have any idea how much I have sunk in that place?
Bowlen: Do you have any idea how much I have sunk in this one? Think it over, Mike.
Shanahan: To be honest with you, OK.
